Hello World, It’s Beth!

I can still remember exactly where we were when I told my husband David to never expect me to live on Pleasant Valley Road. We had only been married a short time. I’m a city girl at heart and Pleasant Valley Road is definitely on “the path less traveled”. It’s exactly 30 minutes away from work, church and our closest friends.

But when I made that public declaration to my sweet husband, I had no idea that we would eventually be given ground by my husband’s sweet grandmother and that we would make our home on Pleasant Valley Road. At the time that his grandmother gave us a piece of the family ground, my mother had gained her heavenly home just a few short months before. At the time, we were living in a small community 15 minutes outside of Madisonville. When my mother passed suddenly, our kids were young; Andrew was 5 and Lydia had just turned 3 the week before. I wanted them to grow up near family so Pleasant Valley Road just made sense.

In May, we will have been on Pleasant Valley Road for 15 years. David grew up here so for him I am sure it felt like coming home. I have struggled. But during our most recent conversation regarding should we stay or should we go, I tried to imagine someone else living in our house on the ground that David’s grandmother gave us and I knew in my heart that I couldn’t do it. I knew then that God had answered the many prayers I had prayed to give me peace and grace to live here.

I’m thankful for our beautiful cozy home on our piece of Pleasant Valley near David’s family. We have made many sweet memories here and hope to make many more.

All of us have struggles in life. I hope that through sharing my struggles with you that you realize that you are not alone.

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:11-13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

https://www.bible.com/114/php.4.11-13.nkjv

Comparison. You learn about it at an early age. Especially if you have siblings. Being the youngest of four, I quickly became a comparison queen. But even if you didn’t have siblings, you probably had someone to compare yourself to. It’s bad enough when you’re a kid but can get even worse with age.

As an adult, comparison can consume you. Houses. Cars. Careers. School districts. Vacations. Clothes. The list can go on and on. There have been so many times in my life when I evaluated my current situation compared to someone else’s and it just didn’t add up. And it never will because comparison is lying to you.

Comparison tells you that you need what she has. Comparison whispers in your ear that if you bought a different house or got a different spouse that you would finally be happy. But you won’t. Comparison leads you down a blackhole of never-enough.

Lara Casey, author of Cultivate What Matters, states that “comparison isn’t just the thief of joy, it’s the thief of everything.” The apostle Paul shared in the latter part of 1 Corinthians 10:12, “…When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”

From now on when I start comparing myself or my situation to someone else, I stop myself and start thanking God for what I’ve been blessed with. Lara Casey encourages us to “cultivate gratitude over comparison” which is exactly what I’m going to do and I hope you will too.

In the summer of 2018, I was introduced to podcasts and I’ve been hooked ever since. The first podcast I ever listened to was “The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey”. I still listen faithfully each week. She always has a guest she interviews during the show. I’ve met some really interesting women through this podcast that have influenced my life. I have a thirty minute commute to and from work so I listen to a lot of podcasts.

Recently Jamie Ivey’s guest was Emily P. Freeman. Emily also has a podcast called “The Next Right Thing”. I was interested in what she shared so I subscribed to her podcast on the Apple podcast app and started listening.

Her podcasts are less than 20 minutes long so I can listen to several while driving. While listening to episode 07 titled “Faithfulness, Fame and the Gift of Obscurity”, she shared a quote by Al Andrews that stated, “The human soul was not made for fame.”

Ever since hearing this quote, these words have stuck with me. I had never heard this quote before and now I know I’ll never forget it. There is such a drive for fame.

We share a post on social media and only get twelve likes. We invite people to our home and only a few are able to attend. I’m sure all of us can relate with having grandiose ideas that fade with time. But I think I’m going to let these words challenge me to practice quiet moments and enjoy small things

Zechariah 4:10 starts by saying, “Do not despise the day of small beginnings…” I’m going to start looking for enjoyment in the small things, the quiet moments. The first cup of tea in the morning. The quiet moments of morning when I’m the only one awake.

What has inspired you lately? Please share so that we can enjoy the journey together with each small victory.

So as you may have noticed, my blog has been silent for awhile. Sometimes life gets busy and you have to put a few things on the back burner to take care of more pressing matters. It’s been a few months since I’ve written anything so it feels good to be back.

During my break, I was studying for an exam for work which took a lot of my free time. Years ago, if you took a break from something like reading or writing that meant the book or notepad was put somewhere waiting for your return.

During my break from blogging, my blogpost would notify me reminding me it had been awhile since I had written anything. I also received notifications from Facebook reminding me that my blogpost fans wanted to hear from me. Also Facebook kept reminding me to “boost my post”. Seriously Facebook?

Basically Facebook was asking me to pay a certain amount of money to send my blogpost out so that more people could see it. I’m not opposed to more people seeing these posts but I also don’t want to be bullied by social media. Facebook also keeps asking me if I want to make money from these posts.

Now I’m definitely not opposed to people having a side hustle. And don’t think I didn’t consider this as an option. Who couldn’t use some extra income, right? But that’s really not the reason I started blogging.

I love connecting with people. If you don’t know me, I am a people person. When I was a young teenager, I dabbled in writing some short stories. I remember sharing some of my stories with my classmates. It was fun seeing my friends reading my notebook of stories in science class and trying not to get caught with it during class. It made me feel good to hear them say how much they enjoyed reading what I had written.

And that’s what I’m hoping to do here with this blog. Write down some words that connect with my readers. I hope that you have something you enjoy doing just for fun and that inspires you to create. Whether it’s baking, photography, crafting or writing do it just because you want to.

Does anyone else my age remember a local radio station a couple of years ago (or decades ago) playing this song by Loverboy at 5:00 every Friday? I would crank up the volume and jam along with the lyrics. Little did I know that this would become my reality later in my life.

Maybe you can relate or maybe you can’t. Maybe you’ve always been thankful for each and every work day. But some of us (me) had to learn this.

Honestly, this dread of Monday through Thursday came on very slow and sneaky. I’ve always been a positive “glass half full” kind of girl for the most part. My husband calls me PollyAnna which is a reference to an old movie starring Hayley Mills. She always saw the silver lining to every situation. But sometime after I realized I would be punching a time clock for several years I lost my joy about my job. Every Sunday evening, I would feel a dread about Monday morning start to cloud over me. I would clock in on Monday and immediately start counting down to Friday.

It was around this same time that I was going through my funk at work which I wrote about in an earlier blog titled “I can’t do this anymore”. I would like to add that I’m a Christian and that during this whole time I was praying and reading my Bible. I also started asking my husband David how long he thought I would need to work until I could retire. So I went from one extreme to another.

Finally, I read this awesome book by Dr. Caroline Leaf called “Switch On Your Brain”. I finally realized that I was wishing my life away thinking anything else was better than my present reality. What a load of bull I was feeding myself! Every day of the week is a gift. Even the days that kick you in the teeth and steal your lunch. Sometimes you have to look real hard for that silver lining but I bet it’s there.

I’m also thankful that I have some really awesome friends who helped me during this “Eeyore” phase of my career. I have a dear friend named Amy who reminded me that having a job is a blessing. Some days I still have to remind myself about my job being a blessing and other days I don’t. But now when I clock in at work I don’t have to start my countdown to Friday. I can just be present in each moment of my life. But…Friday’s are pretty awesome.

As I write this blogpost, my husband David is taking his last college exam. When we married over 22 years ago, he supported us as I went through nursing school. I like to joke about winning the David Brown scholarship for nursing school. He had started a business degree a few years before we met while being laid off from work and put college on the back burner when he was called back to work.

I remember very well the day he told me he wanted to finish his degree. Although I don’t remember the exact year. I think it may have been 2009. Both our kids were school age.

There were many weeks when David worked 6-7 days a week. He remained involved in church. He would text and ask me for a date night. There were times he had to take the laptop on vacation with us and plan ahead to take a test or quiz. There were other times he had to stay at home and let me and the kids do things without him like the time Andrew, Lydia and I went to Holiday World with several members of my family. We had fun that day but David was missed.

I am sharing this to show when an adult decides to go back to school it involves the whole family. I think it also shows that you can do anything you want to do. He had a desire to show our kids that when you start something, you finish it. He also showed them it’s ok to do something for yourself. I did my best to support him just like he supported and encouraged me during my college career.

Saturday December 8th, Andrew, Lydia and I will proudly cheer as David walks across the platform at Murray State University to receive his bachelors degree in business. Did I mention he is graduating magna cum laude? To say I am proud of him doesn’t even scratch the surface.

Congratulations David!!

Dear Lydia, I hope you know how much you are loved. When we found out we were expecting another baby, I hoped for a little girl. I was so thankful for your brother when he was born so I knew in my heart, boy or girl, that you would be loved. If you would have been a boy we were going to name you Brenton. We liked the way that sounded. Personally I thought it would be cool to have a son named Seth but I’m not sure your dad would have agreed.

When we found out we were going to have a little girl, we planned to name you Alison and call you Ally. But I had always dreamed of having a little girl named Lydia after my great grandmother, Lydia Ann Thompson DeMoss. I had heard stories of her during my childhood. She was born the year the civil war started. She and her husband, Theodore, had eleven kids and were sharecroppers. Your grandpa Theodore, who was named after her husband, was so proud to have you named after her.

When I dreamed of having a little girl, I always thought she would be like me. Along the way, I have tried to make that happen and have made us both miserable in the process. After learning about the enneagram, I now know we are both wired very different. You are your own person. I am proud of the young woman you are becoming and I pray for you often. You have a very bright future ahead of you. Please do not stress out about what choices you’ll make as far as college, career choice and such. God has a plan for each and every one of us. Trust in Him. Lean on Him. He will never let you down.

When life knocks you down, and believe me it will, remember that you are stronger than you think. Believe in yourself. Read God’s word daily so that you can remember what it says during the hard times. When tough times come, know that they won’t last forever. If you choose to get married please know that your husband will not complete you. He is a friend to do life with, to encourage each other and cheer each other on. If you do not choose to get married you are not “less than” those that choose to marry. You do your life. Write the story that God has for you. Live for Him and no one else. And always know that no matter how long we have each other on this side of heaven that I will always be in your corner fighting for you, praying for you and cheering you on. No one will ever love you like I do. (Your Dad loves you too but this is my blog.)

Also, if you do get married please give me one grandkid through birth or adoption, boy or girl. Just one.

Happy birthday sweet girl!

Love,

Mom

Have you ever said those words to yourself? I have. And it’s horrible to have that feeling of hopelessness in an area of your life. Let me start at the beginning.

When I was young, somewhere along the way of being the spoiled rotten baby of the family, I told myself a lie that I wouldn’t have to work. Now, I’m not sure where this lie originated. But deep in my core, I believed it.

I had chores around the house and parents that were raised during the depression and World War II. They were raised on hard work. When I graduated high school, I went to work and was proud of earning my own money.

Fast forward a bit to me all grown up and married with two kids. I graduated nursing school and had worked at the hospital for four years and was given the opportunity to start working in the Quality department. Then in 2015, I found myself drained and no longer certain of why I wanted to work there in the first place. I had forgotten my motivation for choosing that position. I chose nursing because I had always loved helping people and I felt so far from that.

That summer, we had someone take a position out of the department which meant an opportunity for one of us to move into that position. I applied and felt very certain I would get it but someone else was chosen. I put in for another position in the department but was told it was being given to someone else. I was devastated. The only other available position was Patient Experience Coordinator. I put in for it and got it but I despised it. I was so bitter.

Every day I would come to work and have on loop in the back of my mind “I can’t do this anymore.” I was miserable. This went on for 18 months. I prayed and begged God to please open up something in any other department. I put in for jobs and withdrew my application. I was a mess.

I was in such a dark place. Everyday I still read my bible and prayed but I felt so lost and so depressed. I shared this with those closest to me. My husband David was such a trooper. When I told him I didn’t want to work anymore he would say, “okay but here’s the changes we will need to make” and start telling me the things we would have to do without. If you know me then you know I am fond of my hair, makeup and clothes. So, I kept showing up to work.

Finally realizing that I couldn’t continue this way, I called Pennyroyal mental health services so that I could try to get some help only to be told they couldn’t see me for six weeks. Six weeks!! I’m thankful I wasn’t suicidal. I only wanted counseling and maybe an antidepressant but I would have to wait. I am not a very patient person so I told them no thanks and hoped for another solution.

It was at this time my sister Debbie told me about Dr. Caroline Leaf and her book “Switch On Your Brain”. This book changed my life. I realized that I had convinced myself that I couldn’t do this anymore because that had become my mantra. I started Dr. Leaf’s 21 day brain detox and was able to start thinking healthy thoughts. I started practicing thanksgiving and when those negative thoughts would try to come back I would take them captive as the Bible teaches in 2 Corinthians 10:5.

When I look back over this period of my life, I can see how God was still there with me even when I couldn’t feel Him there. None of my circumstances changed. I didn’t move on to my dream job but I am now very thankful for my position as Patient Experience coordinator and enjoy most days. God knew that if I would just “be still and know” that He was working everything out for my good and His glory. I love my job and am so thankful for each day I get to clock in.

If you find yourself in a difficult season of life regardless of what it may involve (your marriage, finances, career, children etc.) please know you are not alone. Be mindful of what you are saying and thinking about this situation. If you are saying you can’t do this anymore then you will eventually convince yourself that you can’t. Reach out to a friend or loved one and share your struggle with them. Pray and read your Bible. And even if the door your praying for God to open stays shut, know He is always faithful and always has your best in mind.